A letter to Latter-day Saint parents of gay children

by Jeremy Magland

21 April 2021

As the proud father of LGBTQ children and as a devoted member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my heart goes out to all parents who feel conflicted between affirming the identities of their LGBTQ children on the one hand and upholding religious principles that discourage relationships core to those identities on the other. Without partiality to gender or sexuality, I have equally loving feelings for all of my children, and I have deep desires for their happiness and well-being. That happiness and fulfillment will come in different ways for each of them. I hope that devotion to Christ and a meaningful covenant relationship with Him will play a dominant role in those paths. But I also hope that they can each experience the richness and joy of romantic relationships, loving companions and families of their own. How will all these hopes be realized for my LGBTQ children?!

Before venturing into the murky waters of Church doctrine on the topic, I’ll begin with what we know for sure -- of utmost importance. When asked by an angel whether he knew about the "condescension of God," meaning the divine sacrifice of love, the humble birth, life and death of our Savior, Nephi acknowledges that he does not "know the meaning of all things" but he knows that God "loveth His children" (1 Nephi 11:16-17). Just like Nephi, our starting point can be to cling to the certain knowledge that our Heavenly Parents love all of their children, and each of our children. We can also strive to emulate the character of faithful disciples such as Nephi, Adam and Eve, Alma, Joseph Smith and many others by humbly admitting when we require further revelation on areas where present teachings create conflicts in our understanding.

The second thing we know about the nature of God is that He is “the same yesterday, today, and forever, and in him there is no variableness, neither shadow of changing” (Mormon 9:9). Therefore, if there is an area where Church teachings are being adjusted, then we can know for sure that it is our human understanding that is evolving, and not the eternal and divine truth of our identities or the qualities our loving Father; these have been and will be the same forever (see Moroni 8:18). There is not a better example, in my mind, of such an area of murky understanding than how we in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have thought about LGBTQ people.

Our church now affirms that “identifying as gay, lesbian, or bisexual or experiencing same-sex attraction is not a sin and does not prohibit one from participating in the Church, holding callings, or attending the temple” (Gospel Topics, Same-sex Attraction). This is in contrast to past teachings stating that it is not appropriate to use the labels “gay or lesbian” to describe individuals (Dalin H. Oaks, Same-Gender Attraction, 1995). Other harmful ideas have been put forth by leaders of our church in the past that are no longer part of our Church’s approach to this topic. For example, it was believed and taught that homosexuality could be caused by behaviors and choices of the individual (Boyd K. Packer, 1978), or by actions of family members (J. Richard Clark, 1977, Victor Brown, Jr. 1975). These are no longer part of the Church’s official positions on the topic as the stance has significantly softened in the direction of acceptance, love, and acknowledgement that we “may not know... why some people feel attracted to others of the same sex” (Gospel Topics, Same-sex Attraction). It appears that the Church is in a transition from complete non-acceptance of the past to learning to incorporate our LGBTQ members in love. Yet with the Church still teaching youth that “homosexual and lesbian behavior is a serious sin” (For the Strength of Youth, Sexual Purity), we appear to still be sending confusing messages to our LGBTQ youth regarding their identities.

We do know that our Church is susceptible to perpetuating incorrect ideas about groups of God’s children, even beyond the LGBTQ community. Prior to 1978, members of African descent were not permitted to make temple covenants with the Lord, were not permitted to hold the Priesthood of God, and were therefore not permitted to serve in many leadership positions within the Church. While no currently-accepted explanations for the restrictions were ever put forward, many currently-rejected, harmful explanations were put forward and taught by both members and leaders of the Church over the course of decades. In hindsight, the simplest explanation is that the restrictions were actually contrary to the will of God and that the ideas that were invented or perpetuated were man-made, attempting to rationalize a faulty teaching. “Today, the Church disavows the theories advanced in the past that black skin is a sign of divine disfavor or curse, or that it reflects unrighteous actions in a premortal life; that mixed-race marriages are a sin; or that blacks or people of any other race or ethnicity are inferior in any way to anyone else. Church leaders today unequivocally condemn all racism, past and present, in any form” (Gospel Topics Essays, Race and the Priesthood).

The imperfectness and fallibility of our Church leaders, even those whom we sustain as prophets, can feel destabilizing at times, but ultimately our testimonies should be centered on the Lord rather than on mortal individuals, even when those persons are the Lord’s ordained servants (see Mosiah 2:10-11). I believe that we can sustain our God-ordained leaders while also fully embracing the identities of our LGBTQ children. This will require personal communion with the Holy Ghost to discern when church leaders are speaking within their divine roles and when they may be overstepping the bounds of their callings as they attempt to delineate what constitutes the doctrine of Christ.

Ultimately our rock and anchor is Christ himself. The purity of His doctrine is found throughout ancient scripture and modern revelation, but is spelled out with particular clarity in the Book of Mormon (see 2 Nephi 31 and 3 Nephi 11:32-40). These passages focus on faith, repentance, baptism, and receiving the Holy Ghost and emphasize the inclusiveness of Christ’s universal and loving invitation “...to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile” (2 Nephi 26:33).

Surely, the Lord will accept with loving arms all those who come unto Him in faith. Does it include the gay? Yes. Does it include the lesbian and bisexual? Absolutely. Does it include the transgender, the questioning, the queer, the intersex, the asexual? Of course. For God created them all, both gay and straight, and He created them for His own purpose and His own glory. Does the variety of God’s earthly creations not reflect His Heavenly creations? Did He only create the great waters and the dry land? No, He also created the small streams, the marshlands, the beaches, the waterfalls, the islands, the volcanos, the peninsulas, and the emerging land formations.

I believe that the variety of personalities, talents, genders, and sexual orientations of my children is a blessing from our Father in Heaven, and I hope that they know and understand that God created them as they are for His own purpose and His own glory. May they find love; may they find happiness; may they each follow God’s plan for them and fulfill the glory and measure of their creation. This will be possible because the Lord will make a path for them. He will also make a path for your LGBTQ children. It is important for them to know that they, with all of God’s children, are part of His creation, and loved, exactly the way they are.